She remembered the way he used to make her feel whenever he's around her. The feel of his hands holding hers - never sweaty, always tight. The way he smiles or laughs. The way he looks at her. The way his breath felt on her face when she looked up at him, their faces only an inch away. His smell, always fresh. Most of all the way her heart tends to run a marathon whenever they were together. It was sort of an intoxication - a high if you will; there was even a hangover, but always in a good way.

But then she also remembered how he said goodbye to her, how everything seemed so high in the skies come tumbling down to the ground abruptly; as if gravity decided to work on them too. He didn't say much, but that was saying a lot. To her, the silence was deafening. The way he ended things - she wished he would have done much more.

The memory of the empty promises haunted her almost every day. Just the way he left things, or didn't leave them, puzzled her. On good days, he'd treated her like she was the only thing that mattered to him and on others, she'd be the last to know. She knew their breakup was far from clean and that she had better run far away and fast, but being the stubborn girl that she is, she stuck around.

***

She looked out the window and took up her cup of coffee and sipped it. On the pathway she was looking into the face of the boy she once loved - the one who made her heart do somersaults. His hand wasn't alone; they found another which looked like a snug fit. She couldn't help but notice the bracelet his lover was wearing. The one with the pink heart.

***

"Happy birthday, Nicole! And here's your present." Samantha handed her a small packet wrapped in glittery paper. She shook the packet and heard a rustling sound. She smiled and reached over to hug Samantha.

"Thanks Sammy. You know you're my sister and I'll always love you even if you don't get me gifts."

Samantha frowned. "Stop the crap and open it already." She laughed. She ripped the packet open - two pretty-looking jewellery.

"Choose one and I'll keep another. I custom-made these and it caused me a bomb but obviously you're worth it. Also, I know which one you would pick, so I made the other something that I would wear."

Without saying another word, she chose the bracelet with the purple star. Which left Samantha with the pink heart.

She hugged Samantha again. "Thank you Sammy. We'll be best friends 'til we're grandmothers."

***

She took another sip of her coffee and looked down onto the magazine that lay open in her lap, not reading it. Somehow her heart did not race anymore whenever she saw him, unlike three years before. Though she's not going to lie; not keeping her promise to Samantha did not make her feel bad, not even a tiny bit. But she realised that she did not feel the anger she once felt when she first saw them together. It was a pleasant surprise to her to have felt such a way and that, was what made her smile.

It's Gonna be a New Year... Whaaa..?

So I've decided to just blog like after God-knows-how-long-I've-been-away months. And to some of my friends who have followed me since the first time I joined Blogger, they would know that I actually have a previous account (no, actually three accounts in total; the very first one I deleted the whole thing). And I'm still keeping the previous account but I'm just not allowing anyone to see it.

Why?

Well. 'Cause known only by some of the few friends who knew that I have a blog, I've been a victim of cyber-bullying. You see, I used to let people comment freely on my blog, but then I decided to restrict the comment part to those that are moderated by me before being published for the world to see. I do take constructive criticisms, but this incident was wayyy too much. It attacked on me, my private life, instead of the contents I blog about.

I was actually followed by this person (although claimed to be by a group of them, guys specifically) from Blogger to my e-mail account. I mean, come on, seriously? And the extra effort 'they' took to really get to me. See, my comments-restriction thing was actually so restricted that it was only those people who had Blogger accounts who could comment on my blog. So what did 'they' do? 'They' created an account to attack me. The lengths people would go through...

Anyway, my advice to those of you who are victims? Staying strong is essential. When you have a loving family and friends who care about you to back you up, you know nothing could go wrong. Yes, it may be hurtful and you may feel vulnerable although whatever the person says is untrue, but you have to remember that you are the controller of your own emotions. I say, cry all you want the first day or the first hour or however long it takes you to get yourself together; but don't get to the point where you yourself have doubts about you. Confide in someone you trust; it helps remind you that you are never alone in anything.



P.S. Why am I suddenly bringing this all up? Well, let's just say that I have a constant reminder whenever I open my Blogger Dashboard.

Rant Rant Rant

Need to set things straight here. I cannot get too close to a person whom I'm not romantically inclined to. I just can't; I always make the sameee mistake and when I realise I need to back off, the other party sees it as a drastic change. Look, I don't want to send the wrong signals to you and so I'm backing out a little bit.

And you think it's a huge difference when it's not. I'm still talking to you, aren't I?

Here, call me selfish, but I think that this is good for our friendship. Seriously.


Gosh, now I know how he feels.

12.3.2011

My sis is officially married.
And now I have an awesome bro-in-law. =)

The Unspoken Words.

Dear YOU,

Let’s begin with the clichéd “How’s life?” because I really do not know what’s going over there with you. It’s been a long time since we’ve last talked or communicated or whatever you call it when we interact. Anyway, I would admit blatantly that whatever that happened between us is totally my fault; although I believe what caused me to do what I did was 75% your fault. Okay. I’d stop that.

So what happened when we totally cut off of all communication was … a lot. A lot happened when we stopped interacting with each other. Ups and downs, merry go rounds; and all I wanted to do was share the moments with you. I miss you absolutely, as a friend of course, my friend. Somehow sometimes you can be a shoulder to cry on or a teddy bear to hug, and other times you can be a, well, not so nice person. We only had like, what, two years where we knew each other and that one year where we actually bonded. You – the most unlikely person ever. Or maybe I was just too preoccupied with something else at the time.

Come to think of it, I was preoccupied with something else at the time. Being the stubborn me, I didn’t see how nice of a person you were; and you being you, came on too strong I guess. Ahh, the good old times. How naïve we were.

And we had two beautiful months. I had two beautiful months; I’m not sure if I could say the same for you. And that stuck ever since. But enough of that. I’d like my buddy back.

It’s impossible – the situation that we’re in – it’s impossible that it could ever happen. But it did. It does. And I wonder, every day I wonder: how did this ever happen? My question does not get answered, but I’d like to think it has not yet been answered. Or maybe there is no answer. But, I think two years is more than enough to hold back what I really meant to say when I decided to stop interacting with you – I’m sorry.

Hoppity Hop Hop~

Went gown-hunting today.
I found my bridesmaid dress! =)

The Love Day~

It's Valentine's.
My Sis received a bouquet of red roses from her hubby again.
I think it's super sweet. =)
Dad doesn't buy roses for Mum so when Mum asked for her bouquet, Dad just said my bro-in-law was not macho.
Guys + flowers don't mix, get the joke? =.=
Hahaha kinda weird joke, I know.

And me?
Celebrating Singles' Awareness Day today. Oh and I had exams too.
So when everyone is singing some sappy love tune, I'm singing along to Back to December.
Sorta have a story in mind already, to those lyrics; I can really relate to her.
Haaahahaha!

Okay I'm gonna stop here.